Guest Post: Respect

(many thanks goes to Peter Ryan author of Today’s Gentlemen
for the following guest post)

In a society which doesn’t seem to talk too much about what I would call “common” courtesy, respect and good manners it is quite important to broaden the conversation and highlight the importance of these things.

I was so happy when I stumbled on this blog site as many of the sentiments which I had been talking about on my Today’s Gentleman site resonated with Clare’s articles here.  This also reignited a point for me which had come up in numerous conversations; how does a lady or a gentleman maintain their standards of behaviour when they are surrounded by people who don’t appreciate or respect it?

To be gentleman of respect and courtesy or a lady of grace and poise quite often we have to rise above the accepted standards that surround us.  It is a wicked descent into the excuse culture if we all acted according to the minimum standard we see in society.

As an example, I have heard many men say that they shouldn’t bother giving their bus seat up for someone who needs it more, or hold the door for the next person.  They hold this belief not because they don’t think it is the right thing to do, but because they think it is a thankless action, that is not appreciated and wouldn’t be reciprocated.  They also get particularly defensive when that other person is a woman, and comments like, “women wanted equal rights” abound.

On the other hand, some men who genuinely feel it is the right thing to do have given up such acts of chivalry due to past bad experiences with women rudely refusing their kind gestures.  I am not sure at what point a kind gesture could be construed as an insult which was trying to belittle a whole gender, but that has been a common theme to the feedback many men are receiving.

I like to believe that men, particularly those involved in Today’s Gentleman, want to show genuine courtesy to those around them, particularly ladies, but social attitudes sometimes erode this intent.  It is hard to be a gentleman when there are no ladies around to appreciate it, and I am sure the reverse is also true.

I firmly believe two things:

A gentleman can display acts of kindness, courtesy and respect to a lady without their being any ill intent or overtones of treating anyone as “less able”

A lady can accept kind gestures from gentlemen with grace and poise, celebrating their femininity without surrendering any of their power or independence

Although it is a little inelegant, I am reminded of the saying; “It is hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys”.

I think it is our duty to society and we owe it to ourselves to rise above those attitudes and beliefs that negatively influence acceptable behaviour.  We all have the power to be a positive example in the communities in which we live and work by simply respecting ourselves and others.

Find more about Peter Ryan and the second international Be a Gentlemen Day and why not join in!

Why it’s Not all About Me

We live in a world today surrounded by an egotistical, selfish way of thinking.  It’s me first.  My wants are most important.  What are my needs?  What suits me best? We open the latest glamour magazine on the rack and imprinted on it’s glossy pages are ways to make myself more beautiful, how to make sure my needs are met first.  Me.  Me. Me is the center focus.

What happened to the countless lives around us?  Letting others go first.  Being generous with your time.  Being kind to the elderly. Going the extra mile for someone.  Considering others needs, wants, desires and pleasures before your own.

We live in the age of the Power Woman – a trail-blazing, passionate, strong, determined, with a if-I-want-it-I-get-it attitude.  Although being purposeful and passionate are fine qualities to have in a Lady do we in our quest for success forget those whom we are surrounded by?

Why not be that strong, determined, powerful woman that is also considerate, kind, friendly and filled with compassion for those who she meets?   Don’t forget your lonely neighbour, the helpful shop assistant, the cheery gas-station manager or the paper boy.  Remember their day.  Give them a moment.  Share your joy and double it.

What Makes a Woman – a Lady: Manners, Manners, Manners

(a follow up from our series on What Makes a Woman – a Lady)

Manners, no doubt come hand-in-hand with being a true Lady.  Can you imagine an incredibly elegant, successful, graceful woman without a few manners?  No, it’s almost an impossibility!  So it would be correct to conclude that manners definitively form a very integral part of the making of a lady and also the makeup of a well-balanced and prosperous society. It’s like the oil that creates a happy and successful society.

Oddly enough for this current generation “manners” – the little courtesies and expected acts which your parents taught you at the dinner table when you were 4 years old – are now fading into irrelevance and these past forms are being regarded as “old-fashioned” and too “dated” for Generation Z.

This is evident as we breakout into what constitutes “modern society”.  Where the commonplace individual naturally behaves more rudely, making interaction difficult and hence creating an unpleasant social environment that makes people sometimes just want to run and hide.  In today’s society, bad manners can be observed anytime, anywhere. This sort of discourtesy is ever present and examples are too numerous to count or even mention: the disrespectful treatment of elderly people; invitations that aren’t responded to in any way; the lack of commitment to any event, job, or person; confirming attendance with no intention of attending; the strange disappearance of “please” and “thank you” from most people’s vocabulary; line-jumping; serial texters and cell-phone addicts who talk on the phone, as well as read and send text messages instead of paying attention to physically present persons; the friend or colleague who never offers to pick up the bill at lunch, or even pay their own way; repulsive children (the spitting image of their parents) who think that the world rotates around them and behave obnoxiously because of it, etc, etc.

Yet ironically we tend to blame the younger generation for these rude behaviors, but the truth is that the situation is degrading all ages and levels of society. So much that now it is commonplace to see couples openly insulting each other in public and treating each other with absolutely no common courtesy (a sliding scale which leads directly to physical and verbal abuse).  Just as unfortunate, and equally common is disrespectful and dishonest treatment between colleagues in the business world, who fall back on tricks, half-truths and crude vocabulary to make ends meet. And then, to add insult to injury, these issues are left to be resolved by enormous and costly governmental programs, that can do nothing when facing this irreversible deterioration of personal relationships without the involvement and commitment of everyday people in their everyday lives.

So we conclude that we need to put a stop to this seemingly steep spiral of degradation and deplorable behavior.  We need to revolutionize this generation and bring forth some action.

You may sit back comfortably in your office chair and wish me luck but I’m here with a plan of action bubbling with inspiration from my own heart to uphold these values and integrate them back into society.  It is my belief that we aren’t going to convert the whole world into a revolution – with thousands agreeing to raise the standard and step up the plate.  Yet you and I, as humble and common-place as we may be, pacing through our day-to-day activities in life can actually be the change that we want to see today.

Listed below are some of the everyday acts which we can bring into our life.  However modest and humble these qualities may seem – try one and see how much it makes a difference in the lives of those around you and what a presence of joy in shines upon your life.  So lets start small. . .

  • Saying “please” and “thank you”.
  • Never intentionally embarrassing another
  • Never talking only about oneself
  • Not gossiping
  • Not prying
  • Not asking personal questions
  • Not staring
  • Not pointing at someone
  • Not talking loudly
  • Not asking intrusive personal questions
  • Chew with your mouth closed
  • Cross your legs if you are wearing a dress
  • Wipe your feet at the door and take your shoes off in a persons home
  • Offer food or drinks to guests
  • Open doors for people behind you
  • Please, don’t skip in line
  • Apologize to someone if you bump into them
  • Watch your language in front of children
  • Wait to eat until everyone at the table is seated and ready to eat
  • Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze
  • Always wash your hands after using the restroom
  • Dress accordingly for events
  • No excessive PDA
  • Ladies first
  • Make eye contact when talking to a person
  • Say excuse me when you wish to speak to someone who is engaging in conversation
  • Ask to borrow people’s personal belongings
  • Introduce yourself to people when you meet them
  • Don’t put your elbows on the dinner table
  • Don’t burp at the dinner table
  • Don’t comment on people’s weight or age (unless it’s positive)
  • Respect your elders
  • Don’t hit other people
  • Don’t lie or steal
  • Say sorry when you do something that hurts someone else
  • Mind your own business
  • Be a good listener. Don’t interrupt.
  • Do not discuss sex, religion, or politics when you first meet someone. Be courteous when you do.
  •  Anticipate the needs of others.
  • Don’t have your radio or TV so loud it bothers others.
  • Use your turn signal.


In the above we have highlighted quite a few of the common every-day acts and gestures.  But since we focus on the making of a woman in this series we feel it apprpriate to highlight some of the deeds that are particularly noticed and appreciated when displayed by a lady.

  • When you mention your enemies speak about them with respect – not matter what they did – they are human and still deserve respect (Yes, I do mean you’re ex too!)
  • Dress appropriately for the occasion. Yes, this is a tricky one but do you’re best.  A lady never deliberately sticks out of the crowd.
  • Cut the whining and complaining.  Seriously, who like a girl that constantly whines and nothing is ever perfect for her?  Take what you’ve been given with grace and use it to the best of your ability – however meager it may be.
  • Honesty.  One of the greatest attributes bestowed upon mankind.  Use it with tact and pride.
  • Project yourself – real, human, feminine, (and slightly imperfect!) with spirit and vitality.  Don’t try and be a copycat.  You’re unique – embrace it.
  • Be charming.  Strive to be lovely, use small-talk and your smile.
  • Cut out the crudeness.  Enough said.
  • Know how to handle yourself and your emotions.  Know what makes you upset, angry, depressed, moody.  Learn how to curb the unloveliness.  Yes, this takes time and effort maybe a bit of actually trying and failing but remember that old saying, “practice makes perfect?”.
  • Be punctual.  If you’re late – apoligise beforehand.

…and finally remember…

Kindness and courtesy needn’t always be deliberate and planned. Spontaneous kindness is an attribute of a person who already is well-mannered and courteous and whose natural instinct for courtesy is demonstrated in everything he or she does.