As regular readers would know, Grace and Poise is written primarily for women by a woman. It contains many articles on femininity and cultivating etiquette for young ladies and women, and is widely read by a diverse audience. As Clare states in the blog, its purpose is to inspire and assist those who wish to bring a little grace and poise into their everyday life.
But what about the men? What does Grace and Poise mean from a man’s perspective, and what is so attractive about a woman who carries herself with dignity and style?
Largely due to the feminist movement and the closely aligned sexual revolution in the 1970s and 1980s, a new message was preached to women by the media, by public figures, and by entertainment. The message glorified the modern, self-assured, independent, sexually confident woman, and derided the “old fashioned” values which once were held dear. Values such as virtue, modesty, gracefulness, and etiquette were seen as being instruments of a male dominated society to keep women repressed.
In this way, however, modern media has done women a great disservice. In fact, it has downright insulted them. By putting forward a notion that to be successful and accepted, women must adopt a crude style and lower herself to appeal to the basest instincts of man, this view has repressed women far more than ever.
And this view has done even more disservice to women who are attempting to find a worthwhile relationship. Countless Hollywood movies and TV shows and fashion magazines have preached the message that men have the attention span of a goldfish, and are likely to ignore you completely unless you grab their attention through a provocative approach; through dress, action, demeanor, or otherwise. A quick search of several “How to attract a man” guides for women all promote that step 1 is to “show some skin”. Once his interest is caught, the confident woman can then move in to get what she wants.
Yes, it is true that men are visual creatures. There is a lot of truth that we see before we think, and this approach will work on many men. However, if your goal is to attract a gentleman, rather than a player or a male (not a man), then this approach is the worst possible strategy.
One of the best definitions of a “Gentleman” is by Jeffery Dollar:
“It all begins with integrity; knowing who one is, what one stands for, and what one is willing to fight for. To be a gentleman is to know the world around you and the people that make it up. It is a deep felt respect for the thoughts and ways of others. It is to embrace the beauty of humanity, to find the good in all those around you, and to commit yourself to bringing out the best in those you meet while bringing out the best in yourself! To act nobly in deed and word is to set a gentlemanly example!”
To act nobly in deed and word! Any aspect of a gentleman’s life is in this pursuit of nobility of character and purpose, and thus he will be attracted to one who shows such nobility in her life. Showing nobility means forsaking this common view of the attraction between the sexes. A woman of nobility will not be seen at parties or nightclubs dressed provocatively in order to attract a man. She will be content to let her own nobility and respect for herself attract a man who values such principles.
A true gentleman will be attracted to a woman, not by what she wears or doesn’t wear. He will not be attracted to a “party girl”, or the typical modern woman. He will be attracted to a girl which shows such class, such style, and such a character as to put herself above the crowd. He will respect her, and this respect will grow into admiration, and then into love.
And isn’t this the definition of feminism? A woman who is confident in her own abilities, in her own culture, and in her own principles? One who attracts a man, not by appealing to his basest nature, but to his highest? Such a woman shows true liberation. A liberation from conformity to the popular culture and popular views of women.
Would that many more of both men and woman aspire to show such a grace of character, and such a nobility of purpose!
Blogger & Business Analyst